Sleep or wake

The hardest thing to do every day is wake up after putting the kids to sleep. Even harder when I’m not feeling well or unmotivated. That happened last night.

I had a ski trip canceled and some news about work that made me feel pessimistic. There I was in bed with the infant drifting away and the older one just come in and say he was scared. Probably because of the dark. I held his hand while the infant rested his head on my forearm and the middle child snuggled close on my other side. He was already fast asleep after a full day. It wasn’t long before the eldest child was also off to slumberland. I was still conscious and had no motivation to move. I thought about what I could do: write a blog post, plan for early retirement, or think about my transition back to work. Nah, the allure of a full night’s rest won out.

Apparently, my wife did come in and tried to wake me gently. She told me so in the morning. I muttered some kind of “uuhhh” or something. I don’t remember. My subconscious mind new what was up and I’m glad that I got the full night’s rest.

Still, come morning there was the pang of guilt that comes with missing out on those golden hours between 9pm and 12pm when the kids are asleep and you can do whatever you want. I’ll enjoy it while I can though. When work starts back up in full, I will be on those early and late-night calls again with little sleep in between. For the next couple of months, I still have the daylight hours to spend with my children and the nighttime for examining the back of my eyelids. It’s a good investment.